Remaster vs. Remake


Joey presents a Memo to Hollywood wrt GI Joe and Transformers, the point of which is: GI Joe trailer = GI Joe; Transformers trailer = Really Cool Space Robots that aren’t Transformers so much as Robots that turn into things that humans have.

Of course, that’s fine with me, because, honestly, I liked GI Joe much more than Transformers when I was a kid. I think it was because the GI Joe action figures were about half the price of the Transformers, but also because the GI Joes were humans and they were the heroes, as opposed to Transformers where the, shall we say, Really Cool Space Robots were the heroes. I guess I liked heroes that I can imagine I could actually be (y’know, with some endless hours of training and an invincibility clause built into my contract).

And it doesn’t hurt that the first Transformers movie had about the worst script ever brought into the world. I mean, the line in the trailer for the sequel where Optiumus says:

Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing

is already better than anything I can remember from the first movie. Of course, the trailer also has Megan Fox saying:

I’m not going to go without you.

That should be appeal to me with my “I could be a hero” preference, because she might as well be saying: Yes, fanboy, you too could score the hottest girl in the world despite the fact that you’ve never actually spoken to a female besides your mother, and even then only in monosyllabic grunts. But, that is probably too many words to fit in between something crashing or exploding. I can understand why Michael Bay wouldn’t want that.

Also in the world of It Doesn’t Hurt: it doesn’t hurt that the casting director for GI Joe combined with the makeup and costume people to draft Sienna Miller and make her look EXACTLY like the Baroness. I mean, when I first saw her in the trailer, I thought:

Holy crap. Did they CGI the Baroness in there?

because none of the other characters bear more than a passing resemblance to their cartoon counterpart (well, except for Snake Eyes, but really, with the mask, he might as well be CGI). Channing Tatum may be perfect for the role, but you have to admit he looks a lot more like a certain Commander Shepherd than GI Joe’s Duke.

In other GI Joe news, someone thought they were funny:
Snake Eyes - Sex Machine

Previous GI Joe post (video has been removed – once again, why I hate embedding YouTube videos)


One thought on “Remaster vs. Remake

  1. Pingback: Fanatical Pupil » Blog Archive » Next on my To Watch In A Theater List: Cabin in the Woods

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